The weirdness that is the internet
Every so often the internet reminds why it is so fascinating and weird at the same time. Attached is a "Junk or spam" message I received recently:
Subject line: "Present the supreme offering of all - A dashing modernistic watch!
Impress your coworkers at meetings with one of our industry standard reproduction watches. A large selection of replica watches numbering over 1500; surely one will match you. No need to drag yourself to a wristwatch shop! Our mailing is quick and reliable. Clients know that they triumph by obtaining one of our wrist watches.
Our site has the best purchaser service history. Reach us all day everyday. Look fabulous without breaching all your money and get one of our well-made watches."
chopstick soap plate The remark bird, sir?" suggested harmful Whitely. Stress estimable in the view comic of supplementary persons of steadier and more resolute character."
Now our office email has 2 spam filters; one is the Outlook "built-in" filter and one is a Barracuda machine filter so we get about .05% of the actual spam that is sent to our system.
Ever so often our system will mark something as "junk" but will also pass it through. When this happens it appears as if it is a genuine message when its not.
It was addressed to a "Boyd Milliand" (I seem to get a lot of his email which is odd in that I know no "Boyd Milliand") but what struck me was the Subject line: "Present the supreme offering of all - A dashing modernistic watch! " (notice that there was an exclamation point - its not just a watch but a "DASHING MODERNISTIC WATCH!")
When I have shopped for watches in the past and believe me I have purchased enough as I am pretty hard on them, I donÂt think that I've ever gone looking for a "Dashing, modernistic watch". I doubt if I have ever even used the adjective "dashing" more than once or twice a year. (I wonder what a "Dashing modernistic watch" looks like?)
After reading that wonderful example of stellar English you come to the body text which becomes almost like a surreal experiment in language translation.
The first paragraph seems at first pass to be normal English.
"Impress your coworkers at meetings with one of our industry standard reproduction watches. A large selection of replica watches numbering over 1500; surely one will match you. No need to drag yourself to a wristwatch shop! Our mailing is quick and reliable. Clients know that they triumph by obtaining one of our wrist watches."
I've never been in a meeting where my coworkers would even notice my watch let alone attempt to impress them although I am guessing that it they were the sorts of people easily impressed by such things they would be able to tell a fake from a real ROLEX. (I once had a friend who bought a fake Rolex from a vendor in Hong Kong that looked pretty real until you put a battery in it and then you discovered it ran backwards! He only paid like $5 for it so it was more of a joke than anything else.) but anyway, read the last line; Clients know that they "triumph" by obtaining one of our wrist watches! I've always wanted to "triumph" in my business dealings! Amazing, to think that all this time I've been failing because I did not own a reproduction watch, Hmm... whod'a thunk?
Then we come to the second paragraph:
"Our site has the best purchaser service history. Reach us all day everyday. Look fabulous without breaching all your money and get one of our well-made watches."
This one is a doozy, "The best purchaser service history?!?" I'm certainly glad I can reach them all day and everyday, you never know when you will need to buy a fake Rolex at 3:30 in the morning on a Sunday but apparently you can with them.
Then we come to the real bizzaro translation, "Look fabulous without "BREACHING" all your money and get one of our well-made watches"????
If you look up "breaching" in the dictionary you get the following:
breach (n)
Aa. An opening, a tear, or a rupture.
b. A gap or rift, especially in or as if in a solid structure such as a dike or fortification.
A violation or infraction, as of a law, a legal obligation, or a promise.
A breaking up or disruption of friendly relations; an estrangement.
A leap of a whale from the water.
The breaking of waves or surf.
I guess I never really thought of it, but if something costs too much it is a "breach" of my bank account although thank God as far as I can tell, whales were never involved.
Lately my wallet hasn't been very dike-like, its been more of a screen door.
Finally we have:
"chopsticks soap plate The remark bird, sir?" suggested harmful Whitely. stress estimable in the view comic of supplementary persons of steadier and more resolute character.""
Huh, Pardon? WTF is that? Who is harmful Whitely? Why is he(her) "estimable in the view comic of supplementary persons of steadier and more resolute character"?
I read this one and had a really good laugh, I even printed it and shared it with a few friends who also got a chuckle from it but then it got me to thinking.
Why is there a money making venture that involves send random gibberish to total strangers? Who is the genius that thought up this idea? How could anyone be fooled by this crap? There isn't even a Nigerian Bank account or a missing Finance Minister's account mentioned!
Ok, call me strange, odd or just plain weird but I find this kind of spam immensely fascinating. Not all the spam that gets thru is like this. Most of it consists of ads for instant college degrees or "fantastic stock offerings!" (somehow I doubt Charles Schwab is behind these) but the one constant is that most of them are written in readable plain English. Its the one-in-ten that is written in almostcomprehensiblee gibberish that makes me laugh and gets my attention.
They appear as if they have been translated numerous times from one language to another and finally to English. 95% of all spam is immediately deleted and never even read but now I have a new hobby. When ever I get a random message I will scan it for the end of text message Spam Haiku (not to be confused with SPAMku - http://mit.edu/jync/www/spam/ the real SPAM Haiku page). What fun! Its like a random message from an alien race. You never know when you willreceivee a funky message of fun from the ether.
Subject line: "Present the supreme offering of all - A dashing modernistic watch!
Impress your coworkers at meetings with one of our industry standard reproduction watches. A large selection of replica watches numbering over 1500; surely one will match you. No need to drag yourself to a wristwatch shop! Our mailing is quick and reliable. Clients know that they triumph by obtaining one of our wrist watches.
Our site has the best purchaser service history. Reach us all day everyday. Look fabulous without breaching all your money and get one of our well-made watches."
chopstick soap plate The remark bird, sir?" suggested harmful Whitely. Stress estimable in the view comic of supplementary persons of steadier and more resolute character."
Now our office email has 2 spam filters; one is the Outlook "built-in" filter and one is a Barracuda machine filter so we get about .05% of the actual spam that is sent to our system.
Ever so often our system will mark something as "junk" but will also pass it through. When this happens it appears as if it is a genuine message when its not.
It was addressed to a "Boyd Milliand" (I seem to get a lot of his email which is odd in that I know no "Boyd Milliand") but what struck me was the Subject line: "Present the supreme offering of all - A dashing modernistic watch! " (notice that there was an exclamation point - its not just a watch but a "DASHING MODERNISTIC WATCH!")
When I have shopped for watches in the past and believe me I have purchased enough as I am pretty hard on them, I donÂt think that I've ever gone looking for a "Dashing, modernistic watch". I doubt if I have ever even used the adjective "dashing" more than once or twice a year. (I wonder what a "Dashing modernistic watch" looks like?)
After reading that wonderful example of stellar English you come to the body text which becomes almost like a surreal experiment in language translation.
The first paragraph seems at first pass to be normal English.
"Impress your coworkers at meetings with one of our industry standard reproduction watches. A large selection of replica watches numbering over 1500; surely one will match you. No need to drag yourself to a wristwatch shop! Our mailing is quick and reliable. Clients know that they triumph by obtaining one of our wrist watches."
I've never been in a meeting where my coworkers would even notice my watch let alone attempt to impress them although I am guessing that it they were the sorts of people easily impressed by such things they would be able to tell a fake from a real ROLEX. (I once had a friend who bought a fake Rolex from a vendor in Hong Kong that looked pretty real until you put a battery in it and then you discovered it ran backwards! He only paid like $5 for it so it was more of a joke than anything else.) but anyway, read the last line; Clients know that they "triumph" by obtaining one of our wrist watches! I've always wanted to "triumph" in my business dealings! Amazing, to think that all this time I've been failing because I did not own a reproduction watch, Hmm... whod'a thunk?
Then we come to the second paragraph:
"Our site has the best purchaser service history. Reach us all day everyday. Look fabulous without breaching all your money and get one of our well-made watches."
This one is a doozy, "The best purchaser service history?!?" I'm certainly glad I can reach them all day and everyday, you never know when you will need to buy a fake Rolex at 3:30 in the morning on a Sunday but apparently you can with them.
Then we come to the real bizzaro translation, "Look fabulous without "BREACHING" all your money and get one of our well-made watches"????
If you look up "breaching" in the dictionary you get the following:
breach (n)
Aa. An opening, a tear, or a rupture.
b. A gap or rift, especially in or as if in a solid structure such as a dike or fortification.
A violation or infraction, as of a law, a legal obligation, or a promise.
A breaking up or disruption of friendly relations; an estrangement.
A leap of a whale from the water.
The breaking of waves or surf.
I guess I never really thought of it, but if something costs too much it is a "breach" of my bank account although thank God as far as I can tell, whales were never involved.
Lately my wallet hasn't been very dike-like, its been more of a screen door.
Finally we have:
"chopsticks soap plate The remark bird, sir?" suggested harmful Whitely. stress estimable in the view comic of supplementary persons of steadier and more resolute character.""
Huh, Pardon? WTF is that? Who is harmful Whitely? Why is he(her) "estimable in the view comic of supplementary persons of steadier and more resolute character"?
I read this one and had a really good laugh, I even printed it and shared it with a few friends who also got a chuckle from it but then it got me to thinking.
Why is there a money making venture that involves send random gibberish to total strangers? Who is the genius that thought up this idea? How could anyone be fooled by this crap? There isn't even a Nigerian Bank account or a missing Finance Minister's account mentioned!
Ok, call me strange, odd or just plain weird but I find this kind of spam immensely fascinating. Not all the spam that gets thru is like this. Most of it consists of ads for instant college degrees or "fantastic stock offerings!" (somehow I doubt Charles Schwab is behind these) but the one constant is that most of them are written in readable plain English. Its the one-in-ten that is written in almostcomprehensiblee gibberish that makes me laugh and gets my attention.
They appear as if they have been translated numerous times from one language to another and finally to English. 95% of all spam is immediately deleted and never even read but now I have a new hobby. When ever I get a random message I will scan it for the end of text message Spam Haiku (not to be confused with SPAMku - http://mit.edu/jync/www/spam/ the real SPAM Haiku page). What fun! Its like a random message from an alien race. You never know when you willreceivee a funky message of fun from the ether.
posted by King Tiger at 3:18 AM
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