a blast from the past

I wrote this in another life...
Maybe it’s the near proximity of all that caffeine or the exorbitant pricing structure for good ole coffee. Whatever the reason, Starbucks takes the cake for cheeky pretentious behavior.

Last night while on our way home from my wife’s fav. Store – Target (pronounced – “TarJeet” in the French snooty accent). We decided to stop at the aforementioned Joe-joint for some hot chocolate. She waited in the car and I went inside to fetch the delight only to discover to my dismay a line 15 deep at the only open register, this at 9:45PM. I waited only a moment before realizing that High Blood Pressure and waiting in line with the progeny of a bunch of upper middle class twits was not a good mix.

Going home I related this to the lovely wife and remembering another gaffe on the part of Starbuck’s finest I pronounced them the “Most Pretentious snobs on the Planet!” They overcharge for coffee and other liquid crap and then have the audacity to have a tips jar.

The Starbucks next door to my place of work is housed in one of the finest home courts in the NBA; CONSECO Fieldhouse. While I rarely buy coffee there, I admit to a weakness to their crumble-coffeecake (cakey-crumble coff? Coffee-cakey-crumbs? – Whatever they are pretty good when fresh). Recently I decided to stop in on my way to work. While standing in line to pay, I noticed you had a choice of “Soy milk, milk and “organic” milk”. Quickly realizing that all cows are “organic” I though I’d be funny and chat up the cute girl while she made change. Note – I am obviously old enough to be her father so it was not intentious flirting on my part.

Exchange:

ME: “I understand what Soy milk is and I know that all cows are alive so, what do tell is the difference between “organic milk and regular milk?”

HER: (picture a thinnish, 20+, very Caucasian, college graduate of European extraction with Blue-black hair the color of Korean’s dipped in grape juice. With condescension dripping from her pierced lip), “IT is milk, from cows, that have not been treated with GROWTH HORMONES and Antibiotics…” (There is not a punctuation mark in the lexicon of the English language adequate for relaying the tone of voice that issued from her lips).

ME: (I’m quickly thinking this part) “Hmm, do I blast her where she stands or do I just walk slowly away and store this in the memory so I don’t ever have to have conversation with the she-twit again?” – (This part was spoken) “Uhhh, OK?”

(This part was voiced sotto voce to the next person in line - also my generation) “So I guess I don’t want the milk from the BIG, HEALTHY cow. No I’ll have my squeezins from the thin anemic sickly one over there. “ – he chuckled, getting the joke.

I left shaking my head, wondering at how unhappy a person has to be to be snobbish to a total stranger who was helping pay for her loans that covered 4+ years of Medieval French Literature at IU or where ever she matriculated. For all she knew, I was the grand Pooh-Bah of the Organic Cattle Farmers convention here in Indianapolis to sell non-treated moo-juice to America.

When I was her age (oh god- now I’m talking like my grandfather) I never would have spoken to a customer like that. Either the customer would have publicly dressed me down or my manager would have. What is it with people who take their causes so seriously that they can’t get a good joke, or even a bad one for that matter?